The Blizzard: Part 1

It’s finally starting to heat up in Texas. I’ve got a nice farmer’s tan just from this last week of work. I’m drenched in sweat before 10:30 in the morning. I’ve even had my fair share of daydreams about pools and oceans.

This time of year also means Dairy Queen is going to take all my money in exchange for all the Mint Oreo Blizzards I can eat. There isn’t enough discipline in the world to keep me from a tasty treat like that. Workouts and diets be damned. The Texas Stop Sign takes my heart every time. Also, Dairy Queen is an Illinois chain that somehow made it’s way to the lovely state of Texas, so I’m not sure how it got that nickname. Especially with Whataburger being such a staple.

To make another clear, Frosties from Wendy’s, Blasts from Sonic, and any shake from Whataburger don’t hold a candle to a Blizzard from Dairy Queen.

So, 3pm rolled around. I decided it was time to take my sweat-drenched and tanned-up-to-the-middle-of-my-biceps arms out for a Blizzard. Lucky me, just in time to get in line behind 7 high school boys that just got out of school for the day.

Now, I get excited about a Blizzard just as much as the next guy, but not so much that I can’t figure out what kind I want. I’ve been eating the same type of Blizzard for the last 20 years. These kids took 8 minutes to figure what they all wanted. ALL 6 OF THEM. If you’re in line, start looking at the giant fucking menu in front of your face. It even has pictures!!

I’m not saying they were being childish. I’m 31 for crying out loud and still haven’t figured out that I don’t have to eat a Blizzard so fast that I get a brain freeze EVERY SINGLE TIME. But, come on. There were people behind you. I know you all knew there was a line behind you. Have some respect.

Anyway, I devoured my Blizzard. I got a brain freeze. I judged high school kids. I went back to work. The world kept turning. On an axis, like a sphere, because the earth isn’t fucking flat.

You’ll have to tune in tomorrow to see what that’s all about, because the conversation those kids had made me lose faith and hope in some things.

Stay classy, and I’ll see you at the next stop.

4 thoughts on “The Blizzard: Part 1

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