The Blizzard: Part 2

The Midnight Writer strikes again. For those of you who didn’t read my last post, I ended it by berating flat-earthers, because they are idiots. Yesterday, I was enjoying a tasty Blizzard from Dairy Queen and trying to suffer through the conversations I could hear from the high school kids near me when, out of nowhere, one of them brings up the theory of a flat Earth.

Let me begin by saying that these kids don’t actually believe the Earth is flat. They only discussed it. Asking questions, even dumb ones, is how you learn and develop opinions and ideas. So, hats off to them. Could’ve been a bit quieter, though.

Anyway, there is a growing number of people that believe the Earth is flat. Not round, but flat. Contrary to any and all scientific and visual proof that has been presented, these morons have even created an organization called The Flat Earth Society. It’s real and they have recently held a large conference.

These people have many theories as to how and why the Earth is flat instead of round and spherical. Most have come to the conclusion that the Earth is a flat disk surrounded by an ice wall floating through space. In case that doesn’t sound stupid enough to you, some flat-earthers believe that space isn’t real. Some don’t even believe in gravity. That should really tell you all you need to know.

One guy in particular actually spent twenty grand building a homemade rocket to launch himself high enough in the air to try to see if there is a curvature of the Earth. This rocket of his blasted him about 1,900 feet into the air before parachutes were released and he came back to earth, though his head was still in the clouds. Funny thing about being propelled 1,900 into the air is that the curvature of the Earth can’t be seen until at least 35,000 feet. So, that was pointless.

I’m sure Darius Marley, the writer and audiobook narrator (check out his page if you get a chance, he’s great to read and listen to), would agree with me when I say that anyone can come up with an asinine opinion about something, especially with little to no research, and call it law. Everyone wants to be a part of something and jump on the bandwagon.

If there are any flat-earthers reading this, you are entitled to believe whatever you want to believe. And feel free to fight me on this, if you think the Earth is flat, then I bet you’re made of spare parts, aren’t you, bud? The Earth is round, I can’t sail off the edge of the Earth and fall into space, which apparently isn’t there, and gravity keeps my Blizzard in it’s container while I eat it.

I’m tired of seeing these morons on TV, in magazines, and on the internet. The theory of a flat Earth is idiotic. What’s that? The world needs to know about the massive worldwide conspiracy that the Earth is round and you want to spread the truth of what we’re too blind to see? Get off the cross, we need the wood. Dumbasses.

Stay classy, and I’ll see you at the next stop.

The Blizzard: Part 1

It’s finally starting to heat up in Texas. I’ve got a nice farmer’s tan just from this last week of work. I’m drenched in sweat before 10:30 in the morning. I’ve even had my fair share of daydreams about pools and oceans.

This time of year also means Dairy Queen is going to take all my money in exchange for all the Mint Oreo Blizzards I can eat. There isn’t enough discipline in the world to keep me from a tasty treat like that. Workouts and diets be damned. The Texas Stop Sign takes my heart every time. Also, Dairy Queen is an Illinois chain that somehow made it’s way to the lovely state of Texas, so I’m not sure how it got that nickname. Especially with Whataburger being such a staple.

To make another clear, Frosties from Wendy’s, Blasts from Sonic, and any shake from Whataburger don’t hold a candle to a Blizzard from Dairy Queen.

So, 3pm rolled around. I decided it was time to take my sweat-drenched and tanned-up-to-the-middle-of-my-biceps arms out for a Blizzard. Lucky me, just in time to get in line behind 7 high school boys that just got out of school for the day.

Now, I get excited about a Blizzard just as much as the next guy, but not so much that I can’t figure out what kind I want. I’ve been eating the same type of Blizzard for the last 20 years. These kids took 8 minutes to figure what they all wanted. ALL 6 OF THEM. If you’re in line, start looking at the giant fucking menu in front of your face. It even has pictures!!

I’m not saying they were being childish. I’m 31 for crying out loud and still haven’t figured out that I don’t have to eat a Blizzard so fast that I get a brain freeze EVERY SINGLE TIME. But, come on. There were people behind you. I know you all knew there was a line behind you. Have some respect.

Anyway, I devoured my Blizzard. I got a brain freeze. I judged high school kids. I went back to work. The world kept turning. On an axis, like a sphere, because the earth isn’t fucking flat.

You’ll have to tune in tomorrow to see what that’s all about, because the conversation those kids had made me lose faith and hope in some things.

Stay classy, and I’ll see you at the next stop.