The Deathbed

My significant other is sick. She has a fever. It was 101.6. Then a couple hours later it was 102.7. Now it’s under 100. This all took place over the course of 8 or 9 hours. So clearly she’ll be dying soon. That’s right ladies, this guy will soon be on the market. Take a number.

That was a joke. Except for the sick part. She really thinks she’s dying even though she’s pretty much all better.

She texted me while I was at work and I dropped what I was doing to rush home and start the funeral arrangements. I walked in and there she was. Sickly, pale, sweating (surely not from the sweatpants and blanket she was under), so weak. She called me over with a tiny voice. I sat with her, rubbed her feet kept her warm when she was cold, and cooled her off when she was hot (which is always). I even ran to the store, Walmart of all places, to grab some stuff sick people need when they think they’re dying.

She’s pretty much just been lounging on the couch, relaxing, and watching TV with me. It’s been a great evening. We had to cancel some plans, but there will be time to fix that down the road. We’ve had a busy week, haven’t slept much, and a lot has happened. So, I guess she deserves a reprieve. Unfortunately, she’s sick during the reprieve. Sucks to be her.

All jokes and sarcasm aside, I was worried about her, got her all fixed up, she’s doing much better now, and just needs to sleep. A lot. So she may not be dying today. But when she is I’ll be right next to her waiting on her list of Walmart items. You know, because of love and all that jazz.

I hope the day never comes that she truly is truly on her deathbed, at least not in my lifetime. She’s too awesome for anyone to not get to experience her presence.

Anyway, I’m tired and I need to get her showered and in bed.

Stay classy, and I’ll see you at the next stop.

The Know-It-All

I like to think of myself as a fairly intelligent guy. I can be a bit pretentious and cocky as well. One think I don’t do is talk down to people just because I have a small inclination of an idea of what they are talking about.

As I sat at a Starbucks the other day, I had the chance to eavesdrop on a conversation at the table next to mine. This story involves 3 people: a Catholic priest, a 19 or 20 year old girl who happened to be Catholic, and the fiance of the girl. The 3 were having some kind of session regarding the upcoming marriage and how it works in the Catholic church. Several other topics were brought up as tangents during the conversation. Throughout all of this, the girl kept saying she knew this or that already, because she was Catholic. She was clearly showing off to her fiance and the priest and they both appeared to be put down whenever she said it, which was often.

First of all, this girl is about to get married. Probably not a good idea to put down the guy you’re about to spend the rest of your life with, especially since he seems to be converting to Catholicism for you. Secondly, don’t put down the priest, your own personal conduit with God.

The priest kept pressing on. He kept saying, “Well, yes, but…” every time the girl opened her mouth to try to expound on his points, only to be interrupted again. Her poor fiance just kept nodding his head and throwing out a few questions now and then.

This girl was also very loud, and seeing as there was nowhere I could move to get away from the conversation, I was growing more and more frustrated. I was trying to put out more posts for you guys and this girl is teaching everyone in Starbucks that she knows things because she’s Catholic. There are a few problems with that. If you’re sitting down with a priest to discuss upcoming marriage arrangements, you need to show some respect to him and those around you. If you have to tell everyone how much you know, you probably don’t know that much to begin with. And pardon my French, but if you think you know more than an ordained priest in the religion of Catholicism just because you are Catholic, then you can Catho-lick my balls. You’re wrong in every way, you’re obnoxious, and you’re incredibly lucky to find a man who can not only put up with how loud and annoying you are, but who will spend the rest of his life with you.

That’s really all I have to say about that.

Stay classy, and I’ll see you at the next stop.

The Woman

Everyone needs someone. I firmly believe that and always have. Some people live a lonely existence of searching for the one and never quite find them, or worse, settle for what they have. No bueno.

You need to take the time and have the patience to figure out what you want and who you are before you start looking for the right person. Once you do, you’d be surprised how quickly the woman of your dreams will fall out of the sky. All men are different and are all looking for something specific, as are women.

The perfect woman could be a Spanish teacher at an alternative high school, a loan officer, an astronaut, or maybe a dog trainer. She might be a cat lover, she may be allergic to cats. Perhaps she doesn’t want children and neither do you, just travel and live for each other. Maybe she has kids and doesn’t want more unless it’s right. She may want to chop all her hair off even if you like long hair, and you’ll love it no matter what. She might not like to drink too often. Then again, she may like to go to casinos and black out.

Lots of different qualities make for the right woman. The right woman for you may not be the right woman for someone else. Again, it takes time and patience to figure out what you’re looking for. And a bit of trial and error with some women in person. But she exists and will be worth the wait. You’ll talk on the phone for hours at a time and not realize it, talking about everything under the sun, serious and silly. You’ll miss each other at random times throughout the day and night. You may not always have the time to speak with each other but the feelings are there and won’t go away, and you’ll both understand that that’s ok.

My point is the right woman for everyone is out there somewhere and is looking for you just as much as you are looking for her. Be patient, know who you are and what you want, and take a chance once in a while.

For all the women reading this, the same thing goes for you, but the opposite.

Stay classy, and I’ll see you at the next stop.